Praising Your Kid Could Be Hurting Them?

In 1998, Carol Dweck did a study on the effects of praise on 5th graders.

This study revealed how different types of praise affected their resilience and motivation when faced with challenges.

Now before we share the surprising results, I’ll admit we thought we were doing a great job lifting up our kids with words of affirmation and praise.

After all, we believe in speaking words of life into our kids…being positive, celebrating their wins, not being too critical, etc.

But after hearing about this study (a few different times in a few different ways) we have shifted how we parent.

It might seem like a subtle shift, but I believe it’s an important one.

Why?

Because if you care about giving your kids the best opportunities to do well in life, this study matters.

See, this group of 400 5th graders were given a relatively simple IQ test.

They were then given a 2nd test, designed so that both groups would fail.

Afterwards, one group was told “You must be really smart at this.”

The other group was told “You must have worked really hard.”

What happened on the 3rd test was the surprising part (at least for me).

The group that was praised for their intelligence (“You must be really smart at this”) did 20% WORSE.

The group that was praised for their effort (“You must have worked really hard”) did 30% BETTER.

The difference between the two groups was that one was led to believe they had a fixed mindset, the other led to believe they had a growth mindset.

Interestingly enough, we were gifted a book on this very type of “growth mindset” about a year before hearing about the study…

That’s why we are recommending a children’s book called “Your Fantastic Elastic Brain”

It helped all of us learn how important it is to help our kids have a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset.

A fixed mindset being that one believes their intelligence or talents cannot be developed. They are either good at the things or they are not.

A growth mindset being that one believes their intelligence and talents can be developed through effort, mentorship and learning from failures.

So how did we adjust how we parent because of the book and the study?

For instance, if Haven or Riser did something like win a race or do 5 push ups…

We would say “Wow you’re so fast” or “Look at you, you’re so strong!”

Instead, we usually say something along the lines of:

“You’ve really been practicing with purpose, no wonder you’re getting faster and stronger!”

Or if Riser completes a math problem…we used to say “Dude, you’re so smart!”

We now might say, “Nicely done dude. Math didn’t come easy to you at first, but you paid attention and kept working to improve, no wonder you’re getting better and better!”

Transparently, we still tell our kids they are smart, strong, funny, etc…but we emphasize the fact they aren’t simply “good” or “not good” at something.

Emphasize it’s normal to not be great (at first).

We do this so that when they hit a roadblock or get frustrated with a task, they can persevere instead of quit.

Kinda makes sense, doesn’t it?

So if you’d like to add a solid book to your bedtime arsenal and help your kids develop a growth mindset, we recommend picking up the “Your Fantastic Elastic Brain.” (no affiliate link)

Author JoAnn Deak, PhD does a great job using science and biology…along with fun illustrations and stories…to help readers understand the growth mindset is key!

We think you’ll like it, but you let US know.

Until next time, own what matters : )

Brian, Sarah, Riser & Haven

P.S. If you don’t have an emergency fund with 6 months of living expenses saved…OR a separate account set up to acquire assets…we recommend you don’t buy what we just reviewed. Instead, reply with the phrase “budgeting sucks” and we will get you access to a powerful app that allows you to put your cash flow on autopilot.

P.P.S. If you haven’t answered life’s most important question, anything else we talk about is irrelevant. So consider watching a few minutes or more of this: https://youtu.be/E7t9U1H0t1U

^Disclaimer:

^{bconnectd provides reviews of products and services for informational purposes only. We are not responsible for any decisions or actions taken by users based on the information provided in our reviews. bconnectd does not assume any liability for the quality, performance, or outcomes related to the purchase or use of products or services reviewed on our platform.}

^{Users are encouraged to conduct their own research and consider their own circumstances before making any purchasing decisions. bconnectd is not liable for any dissatisfaction, issues, or disputes that may arise between users and the companies offering the products or services reviewed on our platform.}

^{bconnectd may receive compensation or other benefits from companies for reviewing their products or services. However, such compensation does not influence our reviews, and our opinions are unbiased.}

^{By accessing and using our reviews, you agree to release bconnectd from any liability related to your purchases based on the information provided on our platform.}